


Happier

by zaemitgetta



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band), Triple H (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Hui has ADHD, Hurt No Comfort, Hyunggu's on the top bunk I'm so sorry, Idols, M/M, Masturbation, OK it's Hyunggu, Oral Sex, Pining, Platonic Cuddling, RPF, Rumors, Sex in a bunk bed with someone on the top bunk I guess, Smut, Sort Of, The Great Cube PR Disaster of July-August 2018, Toxic Idol Culture, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love, ok some comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 08:55:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17598191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaemitgetta/pseuds/zaemitgetta
Summary: "It was too funny and then I fell for him," Hyojong grinned, sunshine on his stupid, stupid face. Why are you saying this? "And since then, I only chased after Hui-hyung."Hui felt a fondness spread warmly across his chest (or maybe it was the soju, he couldn't tell).The thing was that even when they were together, it felt like there was a distance between them; a trench that caught the three of them by surprise, shallow enough to cross but unexpectedly difficult to attempt.Why can't we have everything? Why are we so greedy as to want everything?





	Happier

**Author's Note:**

> A rehashing of the ruinous events of July-Aug 2018, an attempt to fill in many blanks. Wholly fictional, WIP.
> 
> Since I dedicated my previous WIP to Bee aka Cinnamon Bun, I'm dedicating this one to Hassel aka Curry Bun of Buntan Sonyeondan. Sorry, we're corny like that.

The dorm is dark when Hui manages to press in the keycode and push the door open. His body is tired yet he feels his mind starting to race, the effects of his meds wearing off. It probably didn’t help that he also had about five cups of coffee in the past five hours. He toed off his shoes and glanced up, the clock on their living room wall telling him that it was already 3:36 in the morning.

Not that he was keeping count, as the days had begun to blend into one another again, but he thinks he’s been awake for at least 24 hours. Triple H, the subunit they formed with Hyojong and Hyuna, had just had a comeback, and the back-to-back schedules, the variety show guestings, the reality competitions, along with production for the next Pentagon mini album, they were all getting to be a lot on his plate. He would’ve stayed longer in the studio if Shinwon, his best friend, hadn’t harangued him about coming home. And he could never say no to Shinwon, it was the least he could do, for everything.

To be fair, he thinks the hectic pace is good, any slower and he would’ve been bored out of his mind. He was used to it. In fact, he relished it. When he had decided to become an “idol”, it was part of the reason he thought he’d succeed in show business. As a child, it was as if his mind was always on fire, always humming melodies or making beats, stringing words together into songs. His mother and father, like good Asian parents, tempered this with music and dance lessons at an early age.

Hui liked to think it gave him discipline, taught him how to keep a routine. Although it didn’t really quell the thoughts in his head or keep him from going off on tangents every five minutes, he liked to think all those classes gave him a foundation for this job, which he loved. Sure, there were days when it felt like it didn’t love him back but for as long as he could remember, there was only music and writing and performing. Well, not until.

The physical exhaustion wasn’t the thing. Not now, at least. Nights alone in the studio crept up in his memory. Nights alone that would just as easily blend into days alone, when he would  pass out in the back seats of cars, shuffled from one filming location to another, a body jettisoned without much thought or feeling. He thought about the fact that eighty percent of his social interactions of late have been happening in front of a camera or through the mediation of a screen.

The thing was probably that he hadn’t really seen Hyojong or Hyuna outside of work for almost a month, ever since that night. Ever since Hyojong kissed him in a cold, dark alley in Seoul, after they filmed that episode for Game Life Bar and the host asked them about their first meeting.

"I came on the day that Hui-hyung was having his evaluation," Hyojong's eyes glinted mischievously, a bit giddy from the alcohol. "The director there said, 'Oh, there's a new guy. He's going to play the piano and sing.' And he sang his self-composed song really well."

Hui had bowed his head to hide the blush forming on his cheeks, though he could've just as easily blamed it on the drinks. He remembers the story well, remembers how this cute, bleach-blonde boy with tattoos up and down his arms came up to him all of a sudden and asked if he had eaten. He remembers how flustered he was by Hyojong and his earnestness, his face seemingly devoid of the burdened expression most trainees had. It’s probably cliché but when he saw him, eyes shining like Hui had just walked on water, it felt like the sun had come out after weeks of rain, or after a long winter.

"I went to him and suddenly, he was like, 'Yeah, get lost.'"

The whole table burst into laughter and giggles.

"I really don't like it when people approach me the first time and ask me if I've eaten," Hui had tried to add quickly. It wasn’t untrue. Everyone knew his appetite wasn’t the best and his palate wasn’t the most forgiving. He’d hated being harangued about meals at every turn while he was growing up. It’s not like he didn’t _want_ to eat, it was just that eating felt like a chore when Hui could think of a million other things he could be doing.

"It was too funny and then I fell for him," Hyojong grinned, sunshine on his stupid, stupid face. _Why are you saying this?_ "And since then, I only chased after Hui-hyung."

Hui felt a fondness spread warmly across his chest (or maybe it was the soju, he couldn't tell). The thing was that even when they were together, it felt like there was a distance between them; a trench that caught the three of them by surprise, shallow enough to cross but unexpectedly difficult to attempt.

 _Why can't we have everything? Why are we so greedy as to_ **_want_ ** _everything?_

Hui finished washing up and lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. It was always like this. No matter how tired he knew he was, he couldn’t sleep. It was during these twilight hours, when darkness played at the fringes of dawn, that most of his song ideas came. Granted, they weren’t all _good_ ideas, but there were enough of them to keep him up. Tonight, he kept turning the events of the day over in his head like a coin he was supposed to flip but couldn’t.

Their day had started with a pre-recording at 5am. Hyuna was getting her hair and makeup done while Hyojong was hunched over on one side of the sofa, sleeping. Hui looked at him for a moment, his face made up in his signature “sick” makeup that had, oddly, caught the public’s attention. He trended on SNS without even trying. Everyday, it was as if dozens of new fansites would open for him, coming to the pre-recordings in droves. Hui couldn’t blame them. They saw Hyojong (or probably, more accurately, E’Dawn) as the quintessential empty, weird, disposable fantasy bad boy whom they could fill with their own hopes and affections without fear of rejection. Hui wonders if he’s started to believe it, too.

But then he continues to look at him, sleeping, and he remembers the time Hyojong gave him a ring with “I Love Dawn” engraved on the surface, right in front of the staff and the members and recorded for posterity in that wholly unnecessary pre-debut reality show. He remembers the two of them staying up late that night, finishing most of the songs that would go into their debut album and a few extras, remembers getting so drunk on sleep deprivation and so high on what they had accomplished that they had ended up tangled up on Hui’s bed, a dizzying cloud of tenderness and warmth and want surrounding him and lifting him beyond what he’d thought his body was capable. Hyojong had told him he loved him afterwards, and in the halflight of his room, on a night much like tonight, he had said no. His focus was debuting, he said this was fine but he didn’t feel _that_ way about Hyojong, but that he would always be there for him.

“At least the ring will always say so. Keep it.” Hyojong gave him the kindest, most gentle smile, put his clothes back on and left.

Hui probably shouldn’t have had the best sleep of his life that night, but he did.

Hyojong was far from empty.

He’d heard someone call his name for hair and makeup. He hung his head briefly before draping a blanket over Hyojong’s sleeping form. When he looked up, Hyuna was smiling at him through the mirror’s reflection.

After the pre-recording, they went straight to a fansign, which went on until the late afternoon. He offered to drive them to the venue, a modest hall in a modest building in Hongdae. The car ride was quiet. It was quiet on most days now. Hyuna was in the passenger seat, scrolling through her phone with a slight furrow on her brow. Hyojong was looking out the window from the back seat.

All of a sudden, she dropped her phone to her lap and leaned her head against the headrest, breathing deeply. Her long black hair fell away from her face in ripples, resting on her shoulders and trailing down her chest. When Hui glanced at her, her eyes were glistening with tears. He knew her well enough to know she would never let them fall.

They stopped at a red light.

“Noona, what’s wrong?” Hui said, quieter than he intended, reaching for some tissues beside his seat and handing the box to her. Hyojong leaned forward and touched Hyuna’s arm. She dismissed both their actions with a wave of her slender hand.

“I’m fine,” she said after expelling a long and even breath. She blotted at the tears at the corner of her eyes with her fingertips and blinked rapidly. “They can’t do this to me. This is ridiculous.” Hyojong took Hyuna’s phone from her lap and looked through the last thing she had read. Hui heard him click his tongue before pocketing the device and squeezing Hyuna’s arm. She held his hand for a moment and then let it go.

With that, the car was quiet again.

They arrived at the venue and Hyuna took a sip from her water bottle before straightening her dress and practicing her smile on the visor mirror but Hui thought the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. She got out of the vehicle and walked briskly ahead of them, like she always did, a ball of energy even in the worst of situations.

“What the hell is going on?” Hui half-hissed at Hyojong, minding the fans and fansites that were waiting for them still at a distance.

Hyojong’s expression was stony and dark, he was biting his lip and Hui could tell he was mad about something. Hyojong wasn’t the type to get mad easily, though he was known to withdraw from situations that made him uncomfortable or unsettled. Sometimes, this made him look like he didn’t care or that he was lazy. Hui knew it just meant he was keeping himself from getting overwhelmed.

“There are news articles saying we’re doing too much skinship and that she’s harrassing me,” he said, disgust and disbelief marring his usually easy features before a gaggle of fans approached them and started taking pictures and videos as they walked. He saw Hyojong let out a deep exhale, much like Hyuna did in the car, and smile towards them. It didn’t reach his eyes either.

Hui ran up to Hyuna and linked his arm with hers, covering her face from the cameras. She turned to him and gave him a small, but grateful, smile.

By the end of the fansign the two of them were trying to drag Hui into joining them for a drink, but he really couldn’t. The album wasn’t finished yet, and he was already feeling so guilty about not having been able to help with REtro Futurism. He needed to head to the studio and finish a melody that wasn’t quite coming to him. Was it not coming or was he just blocking himself again, unable to deal with the work he has to do because he felt empty? Lying on his bed alone now, he scoffed at himself. _Isn’t that just like you when it comes to anything, Hwitaek._

Hyuna had smiled weakly and held his cheek in her warm hand. He closed his eyes and inhaled, trying to bathe in the familiar scent of her skin. Hyojong looked at him, expression still hard but tempered with a fondness that made Hui want to sink into him and just...rest.

“Don’t overwork yourself, hyung,” Hyojong said. Hui nodded and tried his best to make it believable that he wouldn’t.

They parted ways and Hui spent the next ten hours in the studio, still alone, as what had become the usual.

By his rough estimate, he had spent the first half of those ten hours just staring at his screen, fidgeting, checking his phone, waiting for either of them to breathe; a clue that they were _at least_ thinking about him, which he knew was unreasonable. He knew they were probably thinking of how he needed the peace and quiet so he could concentrate on the album. He thought back to all the times he had hyperfocused in the studio, emerging only to realize that what he thought were hours cooped up in that tiny room had actually turned into days.

Hyuna would visit often during those times or send someone to check on him if she was busy. Every day, Hui had a supply of food, drinks, changes of clothes, but Hui wouldn’t give these and their bearers more than a nod of his brilliant head. Hyojong would visit, too, and sometimes they would spend a few minutes throwing ideas around, but eventually, Hyojong would need to leave. The company liked to heap praises on Hui every time he’d have an episode like this but as for him, each time he would surface from it, the only things he felt were his waist smarting from the pain of sitting in front of the computer too long and his heart hurting from missing them. Everything ached.

The numbers on the clock at his bedside flashed green. 4:12am. Each blip of the colon separating hour and minutes mocking his inability to just close his eyes and sleep. The residual effects of the Ritalin he took daily were still in his body, placing him in a weird in-between place of wakefulness and exhaustion. He could take his phone out and scroll down SNS until he passed out, but he never particularly liked social media. Also, if he was being honest with himself, thinking about Hyojong’s eyes, filled with concern, and Hyuna’s hand, blooming with warmth, made the bed feel like an empty ocean of unbearable loneliness.

He didn’t know he could be this dramatic.

With a sigh, he sat up from the bed and made his way to Shinwon and Hyunggu’s room.  

He opened the door slowly and as quietly as he could. He remembered the first time they had spent the night together. Hui had been so tense after the Demo_01 comeback. It was their first self-produced album and it felt like he was sending his own child to a pack of wolves. He couldn’t sleep, but Shinwon was there. They lay together on this very bed, Hyunggu out making choreography because he couldn’t sleep either, and before they knew what was happening, Shinwon was offering to blow him and he was accepting. It’s been a year since then.

Shinwon always swaddled himself in a thick comforter, his back turned against the door. Hyunggu was sleeping soundly on the top bunk this time, the luminescent stickers on the ceiling glowing faintly green in the dark. Slivers of light seeped through the one window of their room, flanked as it was by the firewall of the neighboring building.

Hui crawled silently beside Shinwon, carefully peeling the comforter off the younger man’s exposed back and wriggling under it. He always slept shirtless, even until now. He wrapped his arms around Shinwon’s waist and nuzzled gently against one of his broad shoulders. He didn’t realize how cold his nose was against Shinwon’s warm skin, and the half-naked boy flinched awake.

“Hey, it’s just me, sorry,” Hui whispered.

“Oh, hyung,” Shinwon turned his head towards him, still mostly asleep, eyes struggling to open. “What time is it?”

“Past 4am,” Hui answered. “Sorry, is this ok? I can’t sleep.”

“Of course,” Shinwon affirmed gently, shifting in the narrow bed and motioning for Hui to turn and be the little spoon. Hui obliged and felt the other boy envelop him in a comfortable warmth, making him feel small and secure. It was familiar; Shinwon was familiar. It was just sex, nothing else, but sometimes Hui wondered if he was being unfair. Hui was clear about not wanting to be in a relationship then ( _then_ , he repeats in his brain, a bitter pang of guilt twisting in his heart) yet still, Shinwon never once complained, he was just always there.

He felt Shinwon’s breath skate past his ear as the taller rested his soft lips gently on that little space between Hui’s shoulder and neck. Hui bristled and leaned onto Shinwon’s lips, and in response, the other man placed little kisses along his skin, breathing him in. One hand ran all over Hui’s torso, feeling over the ab muscles that he had worked so hard to develop in preparation for this comeback. He felt Shinwon’s fingers trace over every groove and mound of his stomach, sensation hovering between ticklishness and arousal. Eventually, those fingers found their way to one of Hui’s nipples, pinching gently, until he was biting down on his lip so hard he could taste iron on his tongue.

He did his best not to wriggle around, every movement on the bottom bunk sending the whole bed into movement, ever so slightly. Warmth began to rise and spread all over Hui’s skin, crawling up his face and blooming there, his hands no longer cold as he reached behind him and cupped Shinwon’s half-hard bulge through his boxers. The other boy sighed and bit down gently on Hui’s shoulder, a soft moan rising up from his throat that he quickly stifled against a pillow. It smelled like sunlight mixed with Shinwon’s shampoo.

He closed his eyes and breathed in deeper. Shinwon was familiar; he knew exactly what Hui liked and, more importantly, what he needed and when to give it, when to hold back. Tonight, Hui needed some release so he could sleep, so he could keep a handle on things before they (and he) spiralled out of control.

He felt the other boy’s hands wander downwards, thumb hooking on the waistband of Hui’s sweatpants while the rest of his fingers lightly stroked his hardness through the fabric. Hui’s hand was still on Shinwon’s stiffening cock as he pushed his back flush further against the other’s chest, letting each of his measured breaths wash over him. He withdrew his hand and angled his ass out, relishing the feeling of Shinwon, hard, grinding against him, needy but patient. Always patient.

Hui briefly wonders if they should move to his room, worry niggling at the back of his head that they might wake Hyunggu or the rest of the dorm up (although, to be honest, only Hongseok was home since Hyojong was still at Hyuna’s). He stiffened at the thought of the two of them, Shinwon definitely sensing it.

“Everything ok?” Shinwon asked, his voice low and coated with want. He removed his hand from Hui’s crotch and instead spread his palm on his stomach: steadying, sensing. He buried his face against Hui’s shoulder again, sending waves of warmth and comfort through both of their bodies.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Hui groaned. “Feels really good, Shinwonie. How about you? Are you ok?”

“Little sleepy,” he felt Shinwon’s lips spread into a smile against his skin. A fondness spread in his chest that was quickly halted by that small but familiar pang twisting in his gut. Sometimes (well, more than sometimes, recently) he wondered, was he worthy of this? This care. He wondered, yet still he took, he took and he took and it wasn’t like he didn’t give in return. It just always felt like Shinwon gave more? He would always say that everything was fine. This was fine.

Before drowsiness overtook him, Shinwon slid his hand past the waistband of Hui’s pants, down to where he noted that their dear leader wasn’t wearing any underwear. He smirked before squeezing Hui’s body closer to him, head swimming in how fond he was of this little interaction. He felt the elder boy’s breath hitch as he wrapped his fingers around him, thumb brushing lightly over his slit and spreading the precum downwards. This was fine.

It wasn’t like they didn’t talk about this, wasn’t like Shinwon never hinted that he loved Hui a bit differently than the _friendly_ kind. He knew this was all that Hui could give for now, there was no use pushing it and he was never the pushy kind, so he took it. It was enough. It was better than nothing, and it felt good to be there for Hui when no one else was. Sometimes (well, more than sometimes, recently), he wondered if he was taking advantage, and yet still, he also took, he took and he took until there was nothing else to take.

Hui did his best to smother his moans on the pillow, but Shinwon’s steadily quickening pace was becoming too much to bear. There was a slight drag to the way he was jacking him off and so the other boy quickly spit in his hand and coated the head of Hui’s penis, drawing desperate groans that stoked a fire at the pit of Shinwon’s belly. He pulled down Hui’s pants rather unceremoniously, allowing him to pump his hard cock much easier. Before Shinwon knew it, Hui’s back was shuddering against his chest, still trying his best not to whimper too loudly, his poor bottom lip caught in his teeth so tightly. As quickly as he could and trying his best not to move the bed too much so as not to wake Hyunggu, he turned Hui toward him and he shuffled downwards, taking the head of Hui’s cock in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the tip and rapidly pumping his fist up and down the shaft, spit and precum mingling, helping Shinwon’s lips and fist drag deliciously on Hui’s dick.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Hui hissed in a breathless whisper, grabbing fistfuls of Shinwon’s auburn hair with one hand and biting down on his other arm as he came, ropes of cum hitting the roof of Shinwon’s mouth. The other boy steadied himself as he felt Hui’s dick spill in his mouth, riding out his release. Once he was done, Shinwon tilted his head back to swallow most of the hot liquid that was already sliding down his throat. He licked Hui clean, each flick of his tongue sending ticklish waves up Hui’s spine. Once finished, he pulled the other’s pants back up and wiped his mouth on the bottom of Hui’s shirt before bringing himself up to face his friend, who looked at him with heavy-lidded eyes, mind probably hazy from his release.

Hui’s hand palmed at Shinwon’s erection again, but the taller gently held his wrist in place.

“It’s OK, you’ll get me later,” Shinwon smiled, kissing Hui’s forehead. “Go to sleep, hyung.”

Hui furrowed his brow despite the post-orgasmic daze that was rapidly taking over his body, covering his brain in a soft shroud of oblivion. Shinwon was already wrapping both of them under the blanket, running his hand up and down Hui’s back. Hui felt himself surrender to Shinwon’s warmth, burying his face on his chest, legs jelly under the blankets and entangled with the other boy’s. This is fine.

* * *

 

It was just a few hours later when he was stirred awake by the early dawn light filtering through the room’s one window. The indigo sky outside was peppered with wispy pink clouds, and the misty halo of a reddish sun could be seen peeking over the tops of the buildings of Seoul. Hui could hear birds chirping cheerily outside, a rare sound that could only be caught during these early hours. Mornings always made Hui feel uneasy.

He gingerly lifted Shinwon’s arm off of his body and rubbed his eyes awake, rousing himself from the thick sleep he was grateful for, even if it was only for a few hours. Grateful for Shinwon. He smoothed over his rumpled clothes and made his way out the door and into his own bedroom. His phone on the bedside lit up as if on cue. He had twelve unread messages and just as many missed calls. They were mostly from their manager, a few from Hyojong, and one from Hyuna.

 

 **Hyuna**  

_How could you do this?_

 

**Manager-Hyung**

_Hui, we need you here ASAP._

_Something came up, it's very urgent._

_Please pick up._

 

_Hwitaek_

_We need you here_

_Hwitaek, wake up._

 

**Hyojongie**

_hyung. pick up the phone._

_hyung, i'm sorry._

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, thank you for reading. Comments and kudos are appreciated, as this fic feels like it's on its last legs. In need of some encouragement, feedback, etc. Also, this is my first time writing smut so I hope it wasn't *that* bad.
> 
> Kind of interactive because there are some plot points I need deciding on. So if you're interested, I will post polls on my twitter at @zaemitgetta.
> 
> Thank you to Hassel for sort of beta-reading even if you don't stan. Love ya!


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